Couples Therapy
Do You Feel Unseen By Your Partner?
Are you feeling out of step with your partner? Do other priorities, such as work, extended family, or, perhaps, kids, come first, often to the detriment of your relationship? Have you wished you could feel more emotionally attuned and could avoid misunderstandings, arguments, and conflict?
A relationship can be lonely when you struggle to find common ground and don’t see life the same way as your partner. Perhaps in the absence of understanding, you tend to make assumptions and judgments about each other that drive a wedge between you. And when you don’t feel truly known or understood, your needs and desires may go unfulfilled, leading to emotional disconnection.
Emotional Neglect May Be Fueling Other Problems
The less you are willing to be vulnerable with each other, the more likely conversations become arguments, or you avoid spending time together, either deliberately or by not prioritizing the relationship. And if you are dealing with more challenging issues—such as sexual infidelity, emotional betrayal, a difficult life transition, problems with the kids, or an untreated mood disorder, such as anxiety or depression that may stem from unhealed family of origin wounds—perhaps your relationship doesn’t feel strong enough to get through it.
At times like these, you rely on your loving bond to get through the challenges together, but maybe it seems like you’re no longer on the same team. Without meaningful connection, you might feel lost and overwhelmed or you’ve come to accept a mediocre partnership. Perhaps you have been in denial that something needs to change, but realize now that things can’t remain the same and you need help to move forward.
Couples therapy offers you and your partner a safe space to let the walls you have built come down and be vulnerable with one another. Additionally, gaining self-awareness and a deeper understanding of your own needs will help you engage in your relationship more authentically.
Because We’re All Imperfect, So Are Relationships
Relationships and human connection are what make life worth living. And while we are all hard-wired for love and connection, we give and receive this love imperfectly. Along with the strengths and gifts we bring into romantic partnerships, we also carry insecurities and emotional wounds from the past.
We are all survivors of our own narrative—the story we tell ourselves impacts our relationships, whether we realize it or not. Our family of origin has a lasting influence on how we think, feel, and behave in our current relationships. As much as we may try to escape our past, it’s these experiences that shape who we are. However, the coping mechanisms we developed as a child may no longer serve us as adults. Perhaps it’s time we make some updates.
We All Enter Relationships With Preconceived Expectations
When we begin relationships, we enter into a contract that, although unspoken, informs how we expect our lives to go and our partners to behave. Sometimes, our perception of our partners is idealized or remains frozen in time to when or thought they would become. Even though it’s not rational or conscious, we expect our partner to stay the same—to some degree—even while we continue to change. We can want our partner to evolve, too, but not necessarily as much as we'd like to admit because it may cause us discomfort and adjustment. And because all people and relationships evolve over time, we may struggle to adapt to these changes while at the same time maintaining a strong connection.
What’s more, common life challenges like work stress, family issues, or health problems can strain our relationships. The amount of upkeep and investment needed to nurture a fulfilling relationship is difficult while also trying to balance the demands of daily life.
In the midst of so much going on, couples therapy offers a time each week to drown out the noise of the world and focus on your relationship. Dedicating quality time to examine your own values and beliefs can also improve how you relate to each other.
Couples Therapy Supports Personal Growth That Benefits Your Relationship
With relationships, nothing happens in a vacuum. To grow closer and more deeply connected to your partner often requires healing from your own story first. Before looking forward and finding ways to mend your relationship, it’s helpful to examine the past and determine what has led each of you here. This introspection can provide a deeper understanding of yourselves so that you can show up as better partners for each other.
Couples therapy allows you to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and experiences in a safe and nonjudgmental environment. Within this supportive space, you can gain new perspectives while challenging current beliefs that keep you stuck. As a couples and marriage therapist, I aim to help you achieve personal wellness and feel known, both by yourself and your partner. If you are thriving individually, then so will your relationship.
The Modalities I Use In Couples Therapy
After attending the first one or two sessions together, I will meet with each of you individually before resuming joint therapy. These one-on-one sessions can help you identify your individual needs and desires more clearly. A multi-pronged approach equips you with helpful tools to get through day-to-day challenges while also delving into deeper soul work that explores what each of you brings into the relationship.
We will utilize a blend of modalities to determine the core of your issues, whether they’re clear to you or, perhaps, more deeply rooted in the past. Some of the tools you may learn in couples counseling include:
Communication skills and coping strategies, such as addressing unresolved trauma, conflict resolution, accountability, collaborative problem-solving, emotional intimacy development, unified parenting strategies, and boundary setting;
Psychoeducation about the nervous system and emotional regulation techniques based on neuroscience and neuropsychology;
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for couples to help identify and change negative core beliefs;
Mindfulness and radical self-acceptance practices.
Attachment theory, trauma therapy, and Relational Life Therapy (RLT) touch on the long-term impact of your childhood experiences and early relationships. Additionally, the influence of cultural pressures, such as gender roles, and how they affect your relationship dynamics and personal growth will be examined. Identifying what each of you truly wants as well as the opportunity to live in closer alignment with your values and needs will help you live more authentically.
The long-term goals of marital counseling will be to gain a deeper understanding of one another and yourself, rebuild trust, exhibit more vulnerability, and improve communication. By learning to navigate life’s challenges more consciously and establishing healthy boundaries that protect and uplift your bond, you can joyfully embrace what each of you brings to the relationship.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Couples Therapy Is Right For You…
Does needing couples counseling signal the end of our relationship?
Although it’s common for couples to delay coming to therapy until unaddressed issues have reached a boiling point, it doesn't mean the relationship is over. Rather, it suggests a willingness to come together and find solutions. But couples and marriage counseling isn't magic—the success of therapy depends on the commitment of both partners to take responsibility for their part in the relationship and work towards positive change. Therapy offers an opportunity for growth and healing, whether that leads to a revitalized relationship or a mutual decision to separate.
What if we need discernment counseling to determine whether to break up or stay together—can you help us?
As a counselor who doesn’t shy away from couples looking for discernment therapy, I will help you gain valuable insight into your relationship, allowing you to make informed decisions about its future. Whether you find a loving path to reconciliation or determine that dissolving the relationship would better support individual growth and healing, I will support whatever decision you make. Post-divorce, I can also help couples who want to become better co-parents.
Will our relationship get worse before it gets better?
The beginning of couples therapy can be challenging as it involves bringing underlying issues to the surface so they can be addressed and resolved. It's like untangling a knot before you can weave a new pattern. But this phase is usually temporary and an essential step towards growth. Addressing the past allows you to confront and process your concerns honestly, laying the foundation for change and a deeper understanding of each other.
Experience How It Feels To Be Known To Each Other
Learning more about yourself can help you become a better partner. To find out more about couples therapy with Be Known Wellness Group, email, call 857-505-1856, or visit Our contact page to schedule a free 15-minute call.
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