Remembering Why The Known Mama Started
I sit down to write this blog post with a ball of tears in my throat, angry. Negative ruminating thoughts running rampant; frustration towards my husband. At my computer I stare blankly, feeling myself tense up and my heart sink down. Mentally blocked and emotionally charged, i put it in this writing.
To be real, these thoughts and feelings aren’t new—when childcare challenges come it’s easy for me to get heated. Especially given I’m a overstretched, working mom managing all the things while he gets to just go to work—more or less staying on the sidelines for daily organization and functioning (see, I’m heated…). But boiled down my anger comes from a dark place of aloneness. Anger is a crappy vehicle for another emotion—there’s usually another feeling joining the anger that’s the truth teller. In this moment, my story is bubbling up—my body’s sounding the alarm on behalf of my inner child—reminding me I can only count on myself. That life’s my weight to carry. I feel tiring responsibility and not seen.
Sometimes I’m able to reframe the narrative, but sometimes it’s harder to. I ought to have compassion toward my inner child, telling her in love she’s not alone. Yet she’s strong—she’s a survivor after all. And I respect her for that. She’s had decades of practice building a case as to why it’s okay to shut down and be avoidant. This morning the typed stream of consciousness helps me move through my dysregulated peak. Thankfully. But as much as I continue doing the life self work of healing, I bet the aloneness will be back again. And the hope is with every time, I get a little quicker and a little better in getting to the other side.
This blog post was supposed to be about ‘remembering why’ — remembering why I started The Known Mama brand. Concluding earlier this would be a botched post given the deadline and distraction, yet what i’m feeling is the perfect illustration of the reason. The Known Mama was created out of my story of aloneness and me betting on the belief that there has to be more. A hope—albeit small at times—it’s possible to release the hurtful past and find freedom in who I’m designed to be. A hope it’s possible to go into the trenches, rescuing my inner child. The hope translates to relentless work caring for the child I was and the woman I am. Now that I’m a mother, I ought to remember I was first a woman. And before that, a little girl.
The Known Mama Supports moms in knowing the woman within. In boldness the brand speaks to all mothers…all women. We each come with a unique story and unique moments like I’m having today. So as I remember why, I meditate on the powerful goodness of moms coming into their design through figuring themselves out, sharing with others, and mothering. Gifting ourselves authenticity means we’re able to love our child(ren) more authentically because we know how to attune to ourselves first. And that’s what children deserve. That’s what we deserve.
Surprised yet not, I reflect on how I need The Known Mama. Perhaps you do, too. I need to move forward in self knowing so I can show up differently for myself and my child(ren). To be the woman and mom I’m meant to be.
Xo.
